he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
