I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you win again, gameday.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
