My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
