I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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