I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
