No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
