Where is the hickey?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
