How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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