She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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