i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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