You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
