Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
