spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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