we have officially lost it.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
