margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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