Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
