Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
did i just pee glitter
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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