I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
