We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
