Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
