There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
