I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
