she looked like the bat from fern gully.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
