My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
