But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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