She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
