I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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