You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
