My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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