i was born a porn star she said
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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