Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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