**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
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