im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
