Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
