i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
