the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
