Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
