I like my sex mixed with concussions.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
