Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
