Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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