well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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