did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
