guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
