i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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