the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
