You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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