Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
