and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
