I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
