Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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