I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
