I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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