i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
