I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
