I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
