i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Randomize
