I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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