I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
