I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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