at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
