I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
