Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
