I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Randomize
