at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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