I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
