what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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