4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Please don't give away my fajitas
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
