Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
