help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
