You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
