I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
