Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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