Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
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