Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
