I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
