Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
