Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
