glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
