Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
