last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
