I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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