just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
